From an article first published in Easdale People magazine, Issue No 18, Winter/Spring 2004.
Life on Easdale, as any resident will testify can be a bit of a
pantomime any day of the year but only on one Saturday is it
rehearsed and performed in front of a paying audience!
Enter left of stage Ozzie Osbourne aka Dave Rockley aka Ezmerelda. Recent press
releases had successfully thrown
Paparazzi off the scent by falsely claiming the ageing rock star
had been in an accident on a quad bike when in fact he had been
holed up on Easdale rehearsing for days (no one had told him it is traditionally
only a few hours) for his role as Ezmerelda. After
a couple of false starts where he clearly couldn't tell if Annabel
was already in costume, we were off!
Prince Jess Hill gave a startled performance (no I don't mean startling), not used
to seeing more than ten people at a time
paying money to enjoy themselves and stay dry at the same
time and will be 'ribbed' for some time to come.
What is it about amply endowed women feeling the need to
further pad out their assets with balloons or cushions when they
take to the stage? Does it exclude us B cups from auditioning
for a part unless we can provide a big enough cushion to hide
the fact we were at the back of the boob queue? Having said
that, Dr Doerte was superb in her role as Belle's grumpy father
(I'm tempted to put in a witty play on words about Sauerkraut
but you know me - p.c. to the end!)
Sandra was a 'roaring' success
as the Beast but had obviously forgotten she had recently stepped
down as chair of Eilean Eisdeal and continued to intimidate the audience with her
menacing growls. Still she made it onto the front page of the Oban Times whereas
£3/4 million Lottery funding was much less important! Just as
the panic began to rise in my B cup (see above) realising that
Beauty and the Beast had no ugly sisters and Mellon may have
to accept the more challenging role of playing a man, my fears were allayed as
Penelope, Melanie and some other ugly bird
took to the stage.
Now, we have a 'Funky Fireman' calendar in the staff room
at work and, trust me, even Mr February doesn't shatter the
female fantasy as brutally as Pete did in those fishnet tights.
Still, 'Raining Men' is much more acceptable to us feminists than
reigning men so you're excused.
What can I say about 'The Things'? No I'm serious, what
can I say about the things? All the puns and double entendres were expertly used
up on the day. Well done Alan Laycock, Jan and Simon Fraser.
Wee as Lumiere (or was it loonier?) and Colin as Cogworth
are to be congratulated for accepting more arduous parts
than last year when they were suitably cast as village
** Note to Wee - you obviously have a talent for accents so
stop using that infuriating Welsh one.
And finally, Belle who brought a glimmer of grace to the
proceedings and her "I'm a Violinist Get Me Out Of Here" look was only apparent to
those who know her well. She executed her part with verve and inspiration making
it, I suppose a "well Philled role"
A bit of chemistry between the Beast (get it?) and Belle
meant the cast of this , the 7th Easdale Island panto, all lived
happily ever after.
Winner of the fight with the hedge: Dave Rockley's wig
Best Supported Actress: Doerte
Best Actor: Mellon's dad who was heard to say, "I'm that proud"
Elaine Merrilees School of Tact and Diplomacy
Photographs: Colin McPherson